Saturday, October 28, 2017

Finally Fall

Oh fall, where art thou? Missouri weather is forever disappointing. We were basically pretending it's fall around here and them BAM helllllllo 30 degrees. Like as I write this I'm wearing a Casper hoodie and I'm wrapped in a quilt. I don't understand it and I don't love it; but the warm temps haven't stopped me from trying to make use of my fall wardrobe anyway.   

Mixing prints isn't my normal jam. I always love it when I see it on others or in magazine but every time I put something together I feel like it's a full on Monet.  But I absolutely loved the pairing of these patterns together and I think this outfit has been improved from my previous versions of it. This outfit has all my favorite things, stripes and florals and booties and socks. I've really been into using socks more in my outfits this fall and not just because of the chilly mornings.

I have naturally curly hair but I don't love it because its a big ole mess so I spend a lot of time straightening it in ways that would make Jennifer Aniston proud.  But lately I've been trying out some waves to mix up those straight days because to quote Nikki Glaser, "I'm not fucking Jennifer Aniston" nor will I ever look as good with stick straight hair as she does. Paraphrasing of course.

Urban Outfitters isn't a brand I shop a ton of mostly because I'm not quite cool enough. But I'm still on their emailing list and I'm constantly ogling things so when this went on sale I decided  to be brave. UO is basically my Delias from the 90s. Super cute stuff but just a tad out of my price range. I really love this dress. It gives me all the 90's witch vibes and I actually feel like a cool teen in it which is basically my biggest life goal. Plus it has pockets, y'all know how important that is to me.

Bodysuit {Forever 21-simlar} / Dress {Urban Outfitters} / Boots {Qupid}

While the title of this blog is "Finally Fall" I think Missouri skipped over it completely because it was cold as heck when I was walking the two blocks from my parking spot to my office this morning. Even so, I think fall outfits are my favorite to style. This jean jacket I snagged on Poshmark a few months ago has been in heavy rotation for weeks now. I never thought I'd love a denim jacket so much but it's so easy to make an outfit look put together when I throw it on. 

I've also been making my way through the Feel Good, Dress Better workbook and have been struggling to find my new Style ID. I think I've finally settled on "Comfortable Start Up Chic". It popped into my head one day and since I work at kind of a large company with a start up feel, I felt like it definitely encompasses where I'm at right now. I want to look put together but comfortable at work and most of my wardrobe can double as work/weekend wear anyway. I feel pretty good about this Style ID, but I'm open to tweaks as well. 

These pants are my new favorite thing. Jarrett said I looked like I was going to karate when I went to meet Jen for blog photos, but what does he know about ~fashion~ anyway? I love this whole look and it makes me feel confident yet stylish and cool. Also, how dope is this shirt from Everyday Unicorns by Valery Brennan? I have it in both black and white, v-neck and crew neck. What can I say, I like tshirts and I like options and I love when they have a feminist message. 

Outfit Details
Jacket {Poshmark} / Tshirt {Everyday Unicorns} / Pants {Zara} / Shoes {similar

Wednesday, October 11, 2017

Fake Self Care

Self care. It's the hot millennial thing now, according to countless articles and think pieces. Some of them will talk about how silly it is, but honestly I'm a huge believer in self care. I think it's really important and one of the things that has helped me when dealing with grief, depression, and anxiety. However, for a long time, I was doing what I call "fake self care". 

I wasn't taking care of myself, but I thought I was. It was like I was doing all these things in the guise of self care but they were not really "caring" things that helped me. I was drinking all the wine after work and eating my feelings (food is a big emotional comfort to me) and never doing anything active. I was crying on the way home from work thinking that everything wrong was external. My job sucked, my mom was dead, I was depressed, I was having panic attacks, I was gaining weight. Through all of this I was still buying these 3 packs of cookies at Walmart (700 calories for all 3 of them) and eating multiple packs a day. I was secretly eating Taco Bell or stopping for food on my way home from work and then still eating a big dinner. I was taking long baths and sleeping more and taking "mental health days" from work. None of it was working. 

It wasn't until I was actually taking care of myself that I noticed how destructive my behaviors were and how I was chalking it all up to practicing self care. I was using the phrase "self care" as a way to justify eating junk all the time and not working out. I've been tracking my calories and working out consistently for about 6 weeks now. I run in the dark after work (and occasionally in the morning but I'm not a morning person so that's rare). I drink more water and less alcohol. I still indulge in sweets but not as often and if I do, I log it in MyFitnessPal. I practice daily gratitude and have started confronting things I ignore (I also like to ignore my problems. Who knew that was also an unhealthy mental behavior? *eye roll*). I have been in therapy for about 6 months now and it's literally changed my life. 

I still think things like wine and eating cookie dough with my sister while we watch The Bachelor can be a form of self care, but not when you do it every day. I've noticed how much better I feel when I stick to my routines and how off I feel when I don't run for 3 days in a row. I think there's a balance there that I wasn't doing before. For a long time, I felt so hopeless. I didn't know how to make things better, how to feel better. I realize now that it's taking one small step at a time and being consistent with it. I've learned to be more resilient, more driven, and more kind to myself.  This is what worked for me, I am in no way saying the same things will work for you. I know that for me I was being so dishonest with myself and indulging in a lot of negative self talk. Once I recognized this and made small tweaks, it made all the difference. 

At the beginning of the year, I could not have imagined I'd find myself on the other side (or at least closer to the other side). I didn't know how to not feel hopeless and worthless, but it all starts with me. The way I talk to myself and treat myself has changed. I feel so good approaching 31, like I'm finally getting where I want to be. I'm not there yet, but now that I've ditched the fake self care, I'm so much closer than I dreamed. 

Monday, October 9, 2017

September Reading List

Welcome to another monthly reading list! This month I felt like I was in such a slump, it felt like I was barely reading anything. So I was pleasantly surprised when I was compiling my part of this post to see that I actually read a ton of books in September. It might be my biggest reading month this year. Let's get to it and as always you can follow us on Goodreads (follow Jen here and Heather here). 

Heather's Reading List 

The Most Dangerous Animal of All: Searching For My Father and Finding the Zodiac Killer by Gary L. Stewart
As a true crime lover, this was such a fascinating read. It follows Gary L. Stewart and his search for his birth father after his birth mother finds him in his late 30s. It details a lot of family history, but in a way that was engaging. It was a little disappointing that there's no clear resolution, but there are a lot of really good facts and "evidence" presented to why Gary believes his birth father was the Zodiac Killer.

The Sacred Lies of Minnow Bly by Stephanie Oakes
Our book club selection in September. It was a wild ride and we talked about it more in our monthly discussion post here.

Never, Never (Parts 1-3) by Colleen Hoover and Tarryn Fisher
If I'm honest, I've not had great luck with Colleen Hoover books. Some people love her but I tend to find her takes on romance kind of problematic. Never, Never focuses on Charlie and Silas, two people who have no memory of who they are, but are supposed to be in love. Their memory resets every 48 hours so they have limited time to figure out what is going on. I'm not sure if it's the joint author, but the first part of this series (they are all around 150 pages so not too long) but I didn't love how it ended. I don't know how much I'd recommend it. I can't say just read the first part, since it ends on a cliffhanger but the way the story is resolved is so unsatisfying.

We Were Feminists Once: From Riot Grrl to Covergirl. The Buying and Selling of a Political Movement by Andi Zeisler
A book of essays and in depth research on how feminism as a movement has been taken and branded to sell products. It's by the co-founder of Bitch magazine, and she knows her stuff. As a lover of feminist tees and basically anything sold to me with the word "feminist" on it, it was interesting to examine the way that word is sold to me without the activism. Some of my favorite essays were on tv/movies and how they use feminism (or don't) and the chapter on celebrities and feminism. Definitely give this one a read if you at all identify as a feminist.

One of Us is Lying by Karen McManus
A group of students all end up in detention when one of them dies. The one who dies ran a school gossip blog and was getting ready to post something damaging on the others who were in the room when they died. Now they are all suspects in his murder and the chapters alternate to give you the point of view from everyone left. It is definitely a "The Breakfast Club but with a murder" story and while I would say I didn't love the way it ended, it was fun trying to figure out whodunnit.

Radical Candor: Be a Kick-Ass Boss Without Losing Your Humanity by Kim Scott
I'm not a boss but my workplace is big on transparency and my lead told me Radical Candor made a big splash when I was on leave this spring. I read a few chapters but since it was a library book I had to send it back before I finished. I do think that you could get most of what you need from her Ted Talk from the same name, but maybe you would get more out of it if you are a boss or leader in your job? I still think it was a good read, from what I could tell.

The Unbeatable Squirrel Girl Vol. 3 by Ryan North
I borrowed this from Jen and I found myself just so in love with Squirrel Girl and all her friends. She's one of my new favorite super heroes and I cannot wait for her movie to come out.

Snotgirl Vol. 1 by Byran Lee O'Malley
This comic about a green haired fashion blogger took me by surprise. I was expecting a light hearted take on blogging, but instead I got kind of a darker look at friendship (or fake friendship) in LA and the influencer world. I don't know how much I loved this, but I'm intrigued enough to continue with the series (if Jen keeps buying it since I borrowed this from her too).

Spoonbenders by Daryl Gregory
Ok this might be my favorite read this year. A solid 5+ stars from me. It follows the Telemachus family, a family with psychic powers whose chance to be verified on tv was shattered in the 70s. It takes place in the mid-90s and alternates chapters between 5 members of the family. You get a lot of backstory and there's also a mob subplot. It sounds like a fantastical read, but it was so grounded in human emotions and regrets, that I could not put it down. I loved everything about it.

I Know I Am, But What Are You? by Samantha Bee
I listened to this audiobook during my commute. I really like listening to celebrity memoirs since they usually read their own books. It's fun to hear their stories in their own voices. I enjoyed all of the essays in this book, though it wasn't as engaging as Amy Poehler's or Tina Fey's memoirs, I still enjoy Samantha Bee.

Behind Closed Doors by B.A Paris
This book should have been right up my alley. A thriller type book about a woman who gets trapped in a marriage with a psychopath. He controls every aspect of her life and it's all a countdown until her sister who comes of age in a few months comes to live with them and then his torture will transfer to the sister. It was pretty gripping at times and I did enjoy the ending, but it wasn't the best in a genre that I've read.

Jen's Reading List

Full disclosure, my reading list is pretty short this month mostly because I signed up for wayyy to many cross stitch clubs and that took up my main focus for the month.

The Sacred Lies of Minnow Bly by Stephanie Oakes
 Learning about cults, even fake cults, are my jam and I ate this book up. Half of it focused on her recovery from said cult and the whole time I was wishing for more of the cult life story. Minnow had a pretty great character arc but I have a one tract mind.

The Tower of Dawn by Sarah J. Maas
I've been reading this series for so long I'm starting to not remember why anymore. I was super excited to get a book all about Chaol but this book did not live up to what I had expected. The pacing was so much different than the last books and it felt like this book was shoved in just so Chaol could have a glorified love story.  The timing also felt weird since it was set as the same time as the last book but before the conclusion and that felt really disjointed to me. All in all, I didn't love it and I really missed the witches in particular.  I wish the last two books were combined in some way because I didn't love this book's set up.

How to Hang a Witch by Adriana Mather
This book is currently on sale for $1.99 which is why I purchased it. The premise is about a curse stemming from the Salem witch trials.  While the premise intrigued me, I didn't love the execution or the overall story.  I don't handle people falling for spirits very well; it's not a trope I love.

Sunday, October 8, 2017

September Rewind

I feel like I'm in a major book slump but I don't think I really am, if that makes sense. I only made it through 2 1/2 books this month. I read our book club pick (more to come on that!) and I read the newest Sarah J. Maas release to the series Throne of Glass. I'm going to saving my review of that for our September Reading List post but spoiler - I didn't love it.

Guyssss, I'm in the middle of season 6 of Pretty Little Liars. I'm super into it and I can't wait to learn who A is. Somehow I continue to avoid spoilers. I also watched The Shining for the first time since Netflix was getting ready to purge it. I had avoided it for a while because SCARY but it really wasn't as scary and I was anticipating it to be.  Full disclosure, I watched it in the day time with a cat in my lap for comfort.

I've only been listening to Harry Potter audiobooks lately. Something about them feels so comforting to listen to. I know I need to branch out and listen to some new stuff but Jim Dale is like listening to a grandpa tell a really old, great tale. I'm on book #6 which I was able to download on my library app. This app is one of the coolest out there and I can't wait to see what other audiobooks I can borrow from the library with such ease.  Libraries are literally the best.

Also this month:
1. My sister eloped!
It actually happened at the very end of August but the news was kept on lockdown until after they celebrated their impromptu honeymoon. The ceremony was short and sweet at the courthouse and I wormed my way into being a witness under the guise I would take lots of photos. Watching a sibling get married is something you can never prepare yourself for and I got more emotional than I thought I would (thank you 30s) but I was glad to be a part of it. Now we are preparing for a reception for the end of October and its a lot to pull off in a month. I don't use this phrase often but beer me strength.

2.  Baseball Work Day
My work treated everyone to a day at the ball park which included all inclusive seats with a buffet. I've never experienced so many perks at a game and it was a very enjoyable experience.  It was such a nice way to break up a monotonous work schedule!

3. Drywall Finishes
I got pretty serious this past month on myself the last month with home repairs.  I was able to finish up the big mudding job my husband started severalllllll years ago and have moved on to the sanding portion.  I'm in the process of buying the supplies I need to sand it down but I think I may have sparked a fire under the husband as he is becoming more interested in finishing it too. Home repairs require so much patience and people work at different paces but man if we could only figure out how to work together - we would be unstoppable. I'm so glad I decided to own up to my part of the failings of our home repair because now we are that much closer to finishing something.

I'll save most of my reading list for the September post, but I did finally make some time to finish some comics that Jen leant me a few weeks ago. I got through 3 issues of Squirrel Girl (which Morgan now loves too!) and Snotgirl, which was much different than I expected it to be, in a good way. It was darker than you would originally think just from looking at the cover. 

I didn't watch a ton of new things, but we did continue our Twin Peaks marathon. It was my choice of long drama and I seriously love it. The fashion is so 90s and on point, plus it can be kind of goofy and funny at times, but also there were some episodes that were genuinely scary. We actually finished it on October 1st, and I'm already thinking of having a rewatch. There's just so much to take it. I can definitely see why it has a cult status, and also why so many people wanted the revival to happen. Now to figure out where I can watch the revival....

I've been trying to get back into audiobooks. I have so many through Audible, but for the past few months podcasts have been my go to (I also listen to way too many podcasts to keep up). I was able to finish up I Know I Am, But What Are You by Samantha Bee, which was so great. I love listening to memoirs since the authors usually read them. I also started I'll Give You The Sun by Jandy Nelson, but I am much less interested in that one. 

Also this month
1. A Minnesota Wedding (+HAM reunion) 
One of my very best friends Meredith got married over Labor Day weekend, so we spent 5 days in Minnesota. I always love going to visit her (this is my 3rd time) and this time I brought the girls, who haven't seen Mere since they were 3! Meredith and Amanda are friends from San Diego who are seriously the best and I don't get to see them enough. It was so magical spending time with them and getting to see Aaron and Meredith tie the knot. Plus I shared an AirBnB with Amanda so there was lots of time to hang out and catch up. 

2. The last Cardinals game (of the season) 
Jarrett scored some tickets to some luxury box seats through work with a bunch of his coworkers. It was my first time in a luxury box and it was amazing. There was so much free food and beer, the weather was really great, and we got to spend some time hanging out just the two of us. With wedding expenses and other debts being paid off right now, we haven't done many date nights, so this was the perfect way to kind of say goodbye to summer and out last baseball game of the season. 

3. Running & Running & Running 
I am as shocked as anyone that I've kept up with my Couch to 5K running. I actually ran 1.7 miles without stopping and I honestly don't remember the last time I did that. The scale isn't moving a ton but I fell stronger and my clothes are starting to fit better. Honestly, it's a better feeling knowing I am accomplishing something hard than seeing the number on the scale go down. So far I've been able to run faster than I thought I could (which is still pretty slow tbh) and farther than I thought I could, so I feel pretty proud of myself and motivated to keep going. 

Friday, October 6, 2017

3 Reasons You Should Read The Sacred Lies of Minnow Bly

The month is over (crazypants) and it's time to check in to see our feelings on September's book club pick.  I'm sure you remember, we chose The Sacred Lies of Minnow Bly by Stephanie Oakes mostly to ease us unto creepy fall reads.  I don't think creepy is the right word to describe this book; may gruesome is more fitting?  I've always been a little too fascinated in the lives of cult members and the Amazon sale gods put it on sale for $1.99 right around picking time. 

Anyway a quick refresh!

The Kevinian cult has taken everything from seventeen-year-old Minnow: twelve years of her life, her family, her ability to trust.

And when she rebelled, they took away her hands, too.

Now their Prophet has been murdered and their camp set aflame, and it's clear that Minnow knows something—but she's not talking. As she languishes in juvenile detention, she struggles to un-learn everything she has been taught to believe, adjusting to a life behind bars and recounting the events that led up to her incarceration. But when an FBI detective approaches her about making a deal, Minnow sees she can have the freedom she always dreamed of—if she’s willing to part with the terrible secrets of her past.

The Sacred Lies of Minnow Bly is a hard-hitting and hopeful story about the dangers of blind faith—and the power of having faith in oneself

Our Thoughts!
1.  Made Up Religion
Jen Says:
 Cults have always fascinated the crap out of me so I was very excited this book made the pick. The religion behind the cult is a made up religion which I find even more fascinating.  This dude seriously made up a religion, called himself the Prophet and then named the religion after himself. That takes balls, and charisma, but mostly balls.
Heather Says:
It was really interesting to read about a made up religion and to see the inner workings of it, which were honestly horrifying at times. I think seeing the way a person made up an entire religion and called himself a prophet was kind of bananas, but getting glimpses into how he preyed on vulnerable people to follow him into that religion was sad and fascinating. 
2.  Mind Control
Jen Says:
The mind control aspect of cults is so mind blowing to me.  How multiple people can blindly follow a charismatic stranger and change the whole trajectory of their lives based upon said person. Especially when the whole damn thing is completely made up. HOW?!  What makes it even more unhealthy is if you stray from the teachings or try to escape you have to endure such horrendous punishments including physical and mental abuse.

Heather Says:
It was really scary to read about how much this "religion" was able to control people by keeping them in a compound completely cut off from the outside world. I think it shows how important it is to seek out all the information available to us. It was fascinating to see Minnow start to question those teachings and to realize how big of a part fear played in sticking to the rules. 
3. Gruesome AF 
Jen Says:
The physical and mental abuse is gruesome AF. I mean, Minnow gets both hands cut off as a form of punishment for trying to escape. HER HANDS WERE CUT OFF! Children are being raised without any sort of schooling. Polygamy is running rampant in an attempt to grow the cult population. They live off the grid so they have to provide everything for themselves. It was heartbreaking and gruesome and so, so interesting. 
Heather Says:
This book was so unexpectedly gruesome! Like so gruesome I wanted to close my eyes and throw the book at some parts. It didn't flinch from going to dark places and showing the dangers of the cult. The physical abuse was hard to read about but it really showed how mentally controlled these people were for years. It was hard to read at times, but the way that it didn't shy away from showing the gross things was a big part of showing the inside working of cults. 

Tuesday, October 3, 2017

October Small Goals

Happy October one and all! My favorite month is here and it already feels like there's not enough time to fit in all the spooky things I want to do. I still need to get pumpkins and put up my Halloween decorations. I feel like September was not my best month and I'm looking forward to a fresh start with the crisp air. Jen basically kicked ass on her September goals, putting me to shame with my 2 goals accomplished. But it's a new month and I'm motivated to get stuff done. So let's get to it! As always, check out all the other small goals at the link up by Nicole at Writes Like a Girl.

Jen's September Small Goals 
1.  Clean out Long Sleeve Shirt Drawer.  I one upped this goal and also tackled my closet. I donated 2 very large trash bags worth of stuff and I don't feel quite done with this latest purge yet. Better but not done.
2.  Decorate for Fall.  Crushed this goal. The inside of my house has been decorated for fall since Labor Day.  I've been holding off on the outdoor stuff (just so I don't look like the neighborhood crazy lady) but I think the first weekend of October it's coming out!
3. Stay Caught Up.  I really expected to fail at this goal BUT I'm all caught up on both yearly cross stitch projects and I've almost finished the new Halloween "Black Hat Society" piece. Hell, it might be finished by the time this is posted.
4. Buy Fall Clothing Fabric.  This is the goal I failed at. There has been so much going on lately--my sister eloped and we are planning a reception and I managed to finish mudding the drywall--y'all I've been busy.  I've also spent a considerable amount on new fall duds and didn't have the extra for fabric--oops.
5.  Find a Chunky Black Belt.  During my splurges I made sure to pick up a black belt. I found one with embroidered flowers on it which is very trendy and fun.

4/5-I basically destroyed my goals this month and I'm just as shocked as you are.

October Small Goals 
1. Carve a pumpkin.  I always have the best intentions to do this every year but then I get lazy or I start to feel bad about cutting up my pumpkins and I never follow through. It's happening this year!
2. Make a Fabric Backdrop.  So as I mentioned, my sister eloped and we are planning a reception is about a months time and it's bananas! Anyway, I've been enlisted in making a fabric backdrop for her dessert bar since they have ditched all traditions.  This means I need to order fabric and complete this project super quickly!
3.  Buy Sanding Supplies. I've been the most obnoxious about my drywall accomplishments but I seriously feel like a magician. Anyway, this month my goals is to at least buy all the supplies necessary to get the sanding portion done.  This is going to be a crazy month with the reception planning so I'm not going to be super strict on home remodeling progress.
4.  Spending Lockdown. I ordered a bunch of new fall clothes the last weekend of September so I guess I decided to use all my October funds early and will be spending the majority of the month paying off those purchases. Completely worth it, obviously.
5.  Workouts. I've been so sporadic with my workouts basically all summer and can really tell it. I've gone up a pants size and I'm just not loving it. My arms have gotten plenty of working out (thank you drywall) but my core and legs could use a good burn. It's just so hard to balance everything in life, but I'm making it a legit goal again.

Heather's September Small Goals 
1. Ramp up my exercise Unfortunately, all my plans to hit up Crossfit with my aunt fell through. I do still want to do this so I'm hoping to make it happen in October. 
2. Hit my work metrics  I'm not sure? Our system we use to track them is down, and while I *think* I hit most of them, I'm pretty sure I'm still not hitting my availability goal.  
3. Say "yes" to the dress I ended up having to push my dress shopping Chicago trip back to December, but I'm going the weekend of my birthday so I'm totally fine that this didn't happen yet! 
4. Finish up wedding DIY list  Done! Now to just get started on it. 
5. Read 5 books  Done! I almost thought I might fail this one. I was in a major book slump for the first part of the month but I managed to get this done just in time. 

Only 2/5 done this month 

October Small Goals 
1. Figure out my new Style ID I've been s l o w l y making my way through the Feel Good, Dress Better workbook and I've been really loving the Facebook group that you get to join when you buy it! It's been nice to be inspired by all kinds of stylish ladies, and lately Style IDs has recently been a hot topic. I've been thinking about mine a lot and I'd like to nail down exactly what it is. 
2. Finish knitting my sweater I've been knitting a sweater since April and I made this huge mistake of not following the pattern correctly and accounting for arm holes. I was literally devastated since I can't undo all my work and I don't want to start over, so I'm going to try and figure out a way to make it work without the arm holes I was supposed to make. Beer me strength everyone. 
3. Make Halloween costumes for the girls (with Jen's help!) The girls have their hearts set on being Sailor Guardians for Halloween this year so with Jen's help, we are going to sew them some costumes! 
4. Complete "Instagram for Success" course I purchased this course not that long ago after seeing it suggested on another blog I read. I want to make some time to go through it and see if there's anything I can apply to my account, which I don't plan to use for business but wouldn't mind getting some tips on anyway. 
5. Do all the fall things I love fall and the weather is starting to feel like fall. I'd like to hit up a pumpkin patch, drink all the pumpkin spice drinks, wear sweaters, go on some hikes, and all the good things that come with fall. 

Monday, October 2, 2017

October Book Club

Happy October book lovers! We can all agree that October is basically the best month, right? The weather is finally cooling down, pumpkin spice is everywhere, and we can finally force our loved ones to only watch scary movies because of Halloween. Maybe some of that is just me, but I seriously love October. I usually queue up a bunch of scary reads & I think we picked a really good one for October. Stephanie Perkins wrote a book club pick from 2016 that was all kinds of good YA romance, so I was thrilled when I saw her new book was a horror book that the blurb mentioned was like Scream (my favorite scary movie). I was hooked and pre-ordered it months ago. Then when discussing with Jen what spooky read we needed, this one popped into my head and here we are. It's a new release but I cannot wait to dive in to There's Someone Inside Your House by Stephanie Perkins

What's it about? 
It's been almost a year since Makani Young came to live with her grandmother in landlocked Nebraska, and she's still adjusting to her new life. And still haunted by her past in Hawaii.

Then, one by one, the students of her small town high school begin to die in a series of gruesome murders, each with increasing and grotesque flair. As the terror grows closer and the hunt intensifies for the killer, Makani will be forced to confront her own dark secrets.
Stephanie Perkins, bestselling author of Anna and the French Kiss, returns with a fresh take on the classic teen slasher story that’s fun, quick-witted, and completely impossible to put down